Long Time No Speak

Without stating the obvious - so a lot's changed in the almost three years since I last wrote on this blog. Brangelina exists, we have a Black American President, and a financial crisis. I'm a little bit older, a little - just a little - bit wiser, and more tired. Still watching Bravo - Top Chef!- while drinking a glass of wine. I've run three marathons since I last wrote; changed jobs twice; and had 3+ boyfriends (depending how many you want to count as 'boyfriends.')

Still a lot's the same. Still trying to find balance and then maintain said balance; examining leadership and it's impact on livelihoods; entertainment today. I want to get better at writing, journaling. Considering my 2008 resolutions, I did damn well, considering:
- meant to run two marathons: did one marathon and four half-marathons
- meant to read more and totally succeeded
- act more like a grown up: while I still might drink and party, I feel I turned a corner this year.
- Save more money and shop less. The only reason I've survived the financial crisis is because I succeeded at this point.
- cook more often and better food options overall. Failed miserably. But I've spent 7 months this year at goal weight - which is AWESOME. I would have spent more time at goal weight but really let myself relax this summer with ice cream and drinks. Que sera sera.

It's like that line from All These Things That I've Done: I am so much older than I can take. Sometimes I just realize how far I am from high school, and being a teenager, and I remember. I say 'far,' it feels like Wisconsin or Dubai. I think the obvious wordy-associate would be 'how far I've come' but it feels literal, the word 'far,' geographical. If there's a point a (freshmen year in high school) and a point b (today), is a straight line (time) the most direct way between the two points? I feel there's some sort of space/time continum between these metaphors.

I threw away my oldest pair of socks yesterday. They were a par of socks from Old Navy that I got before my freshmen year of high school. So these socks were bought in the summer of 1995. They were 13 years old. Can you think about that? 13 years old. These socks, if they were a person, would start getting hair in weird places and smelling funky after long days. The socks were grey and purple with a minimalist. argyle feel to to them. They were thin from so many washes. There was a huge hole in one heel. I was really disappointed when I threw them away.

Should I keep the socks? I could get the socks repaired, darned. Is it bad that as a woman, not so much a woman in 2008, but compared to the women throughout history - that I have no idea how to darn a sock. I have no desire in my soul to learn how to darn a sock. I want to keep them, the socks; but, you know, they're 13 years old. But then I wonder, is this why modern society's so effed up. Because we don't darn socks, we don't repair what's wrong, we get new socks. But then - the socks were maybe $7 from Old Navy 13 years ago. I have very few items - short of jewelry, memory items, stuffed animals - from 1995. Is it that big of deal that I threw away socks from 13 years ago? They were there for me, the socks were. I've probably slept in those socks countless times. They provided comfort. And - let's face it - $7 is $7, and they're still basically perfectly good socks. One with a massive hole in the heel but the other's fine. And the one just has a hole. I have holes in my ears for crissakes. And most women, maybe before the Vietman War, they all knew how to darn socks. What is wrong with me??

So yeah, balance. Distance and space. Weighty topics.