Six Posts!

I'll share a little secret: the song "Let the River Run" by Carly Simon makes me cry. Like, no matter where I am, but especially midtown, I just tear up. I think of Working Girl, Melanie Griffth calling Joan Cusack from her window office at the end of the office and I'm just a wreck. The whole of Manhattan can be caught in that song: the smell and feel of dreams and all their imagery, coursing through you to make waves. But even the title, let the river run, suggests an element of let it be, of being passive and letting the players move around you. I listened to that song twice today coming home from work. It caught me up at Grand Central, one of the best and worst New York spots to listen to that song in.

To say this week was stressful would be misguided - it was something else, like a throw down week. I realized a couple of notes about myself - though these past posts are rambling and slightly crazy, totally unhinged, I feel like I got more clarity inside of me than awhile. I wouldn't say I'm in control of anyone but myself - but that's not a bad place to be, with me, myself, and I leading the pack. I feel fortified, well, and surprising upbeat. Which is wrong in the general scheme o life, considering that I was threatened with being fired today, I made someone cry yesterday, and I was told I need an attitude ajustment. And maybe I do. Or I need an environment change. I'll temporarily change my attitude to appease and test the waters - but make a commitment to change, no way dude. Not yet. I gotta try this on before buying the suit. It could be a straitjacket - tight, fitted, and my own personal prison cell - so I'd like to know where the buttons and straps are.

I don't like being told I'm cold, cruel, a bitch, or hoity-toity, but hey, I'm know I'm not really like that. If you need to tell yourself that's who I am so that you can get through your day, so be it. I am kind, compassionate, I have a great sense of humor, of fun, and wisdom. I don't think I'm an old soul, only because I feel so young, and so joyful. It's like, ain't nobody gonna slow me down, oh no, I've got to keep on movin'.

I just think people are going to surprise themselves with their own inadequencies. I might too. What's that saying from Pretty Woman? People don't surprise me. Well they usually shock the hell outta me. Words to live by folks.